Early Morning Ponderings

Somewhere along the way I learned to face adversity by asking God what He wanted to change in me as a result of said adversity. It isn’t easy, in fact it’s stinkin hard but it does give me the strength to stand tough when I know there is a purpose. That in itself is probably why the Purpose class was so pivotal to my spiritual growth; it showed me that God is a god of purpose and He does nothing without it!

My current situation has shown me that I still have some dreams and expectations that I need to let God have; that I’m still not bold enough to be honest about my feelings and that I still hide from confrontation.

Letting go of dreams and expectations is something I can do without much of a struggle once He has pointed them out to me. I don’t like it, it hurts, and I’m an emotional mess but I’ve had to do it enough over the years that I am familiar with the process and eager to feel the resulting peace.

Being bold and facing confrontation, however, is another story! I’m basically an insecure chicken! God, how I hate confrontation! I hate the way I get emotional, I hate the frustration of not being understood and believing that I am unable to comunicate effectively. I hate the probablity that it won’t make a difference anyway and that change won’t happen. I hate feeling helpless and out of control.

And there it is…that thing that God continues to work at; control!! He is my fortress and my strength, so why am I feeling helpless and out of control? Because I’m not trusting in His power and His control. Because I’m not leaning on His strength and wisdom. He has never failed to take care of the details for me. He has never failed to resolve situations for me when I step back and give Him the time to do so.

Time, it is His creation and His M.O.; all things are resolved in His time. I need to stay close to Him, stay in step with Him, stay in communication with Him so I can be in time with Him.

My King, you have always been my provider, my protecter and I kneel again at your throne to declare my allegiance to You. Forgive me for thinking I can rule my life and the lives of those around me better than You can. Continue to summon me into Your presence and allow me to rest in your majesty. Help me to respond to others in a way that is undeserved just like You respond to me in a way I don’t deserve. Equip me to live a life of grace-giving. You are magnificent, gentle and wise; I love you and will be your servant forever.