The Pain of Motherhood

The pain of motherhood is more than just the act of giving birth. It's the pain of touching the stove to learn that it's hot, falling down stairs, the first scraped knee or elbow. It's the pain of being made fun of at school, the first broken bone or gash needing stitches. It's the pain of teaching consequences, washing a mouth out with soap, taking away privileges. It's the pain of being avoided, ignored, glared at. It's the pain of being replaced by teachers and friends. It's the pain of not fitting in, not making the grade, not being popular. It's the pain of that first rejection, the next rejection, any rejection. It's the pain of seeing the hurt in your child's eyes or voice and not being able to scoop them up in your arms and kiss it all better. It's the pain of letting go as they leave for college, the military or married life. It's the pain of watching them learn what true love really is. It's the pain of that first fight when you want them to come home and you know that they can't. It's the pain of watching them go through the consequences of foolish decisions and choices.
It's the pain of standing by helplessly as they rush headlong into adulthood and it's the pain of standing by helplessly as they learn the cruelty that is adulthood.

A Letter to my Daughter

We had such a horrible fight on Wednesday and your angry words hurt but I have heard them and the hurt in your heart. You accused me of favoritism and so I have looked back at my past actions and words and asked myself have I really been unfair? The answer my dear is yes. You were right. You have bent over backwards and sacrificed much for love of your sister and she has not been as appreciative as she should be.
I asked myself why would I favor one daughter over the other when I love you both so so much!! And I think I have maybe discovered the answer. She listens to me. We have conversations and not constant disagreements. She values my opinion and asks for my advice. She makes me feel like a good mom.
Now I want you to know that I am so proud of you! You are such a good mom and I enjoy the way you work to make your boys feel loved. I love that you enjoy (for the most part) being a stay at home mom. I love that you are so loyal to your friends and your family. I wish that you would believe these things about yourself.
My greatest desire is to see you shed the anger that you bury yourself in so that once again that little girl would shine out. My little "Sunshine Face".
Sometimes I think you hide behind the anger to protect yourself from the hurt of loving others as deeply as you do, but I wish you could see that the very hurt you hide from is what makes you a beautiful loving woman. You are so much stronger than you realize. God has given you so much love, He created your heart to love deeply like He does and yes it hurts sometimes but it's only so that you can be closer to Jesus and share in His hurt. He carries it with you so that it doesn't damage; it only makes you more aware of how much He loves you!
You are my first child, the one that I anticipated and waited for; the one that God gave to me out of a difficult situation, His gift of love to me. You were given back to Him to mold and protect and guard. He has given you many talents, you are so very creative!! You share that characteristic with your Father God the creator.
You are strong and hard headed but these are both blessings and trial because you choose how you respond to situations, God has to use harder circumstances to draw you to His throne because you are so strong and stubborn!
I am proud to know you and I'm sorry if I ever make you feel otherwise. Please convince yourself that when I seem critical it is because I know you can do and be softer, more tolerant, more loving. I wish that you knew that everything I do and everything I say is always out of my love for you and never never never meant to harm you or tear you down. You are a part of me, I carried you carefully for nine months, prayed for your safe arrival and still constantly pray that you will learn to love God more, learn to trust Him, learn to be like Him. That your marriage will honor the Kingdom of God; that your boys will learn to be knights of the Kingdom and your daughter will always know the love of the King.
My sweet child, my beautiful grown daughter all I can say in closing is..... I love you and nothing you can say or do will ever ever change that!!