Why I weep.

I weep tears of sorrow, anger and helplessness.
I weep as I watch marriages stumble and fall; husbands and wives struggling to make their relationships meaningful. Spouses trying to love through rejection and hardness.
I weep because I know men and women who choose to turn away from the blessings God offers to go in search of their own non-existant blessings.
I weep because I see our enemy dancing with deception and disallusionment, dressed in his jester's garb he jugggles pretty balls of promises that won't be fulfilled; coaxing God's beloved children to just 'give it a try!' The lie is as old as time - "God doesn't want you to have fun! He only wants to tie you down to a bunch of rules. He doesn't care about what makes YOU happy. Come with me, we will have a good time with no cares and bothersome responsibilities!"
I weep because I am helpless to convince them otherwise; helpless because God won't force them to see the truth; helpless because He wants them to choose to know the truth. I hate feeling helpless!!
Show me, my King! How can I best release your power? How can I help them see?
Living in Your Kingdom, guided by Your boundaries brings such joy and peace. It's like a spring day with sunshine, trees dancing in the breeze, flowers and the music of birds and fountains!
And when times are hard and cold, living in Your Kingdom doesn't make them go away but is like a heavy winter coat that gives warmth and protection against the harshness.
How can I show them how much better it is to stay close to You and follow You?
Oh my King, I weep.

It's a Girl

After four boys, my daughter is having a girl. What an interesting life this little one will have! Not only will she have four older brothers but will have two older boy cousins as well! I don't foresee any boyfriends coming to her easily!! I wonder what it would have been like to be the youngest and only girl; I am the oldest and became mother to all my younger siblings. Will she be dark haired and eyed like her daddy or blonde and blue eyed like her mother? Her brothers have mostly dark hair of varying shades and eyes ranging from blue to green to brown. The oldest and youngest are fair skinned and the middle two are dark skinned. Who will she look like? August 2012 She is beautiful!! Dark hair, green eyes like her brother #2, she resembles her mother but has her own look at the same time. She is two now and full of sass and attitude; look out world!!

Thoughts on turning 50

Happy New Year imaginary friends! In two weeks I turn 50 years old and find that I am unexpectantly excited about it. Half of a century! An age supposedly full of wisdom! It feels like finally reaching adulthood, isn't that strange? What have I been for the last 30 years, if not an adult? Does turning 50 mean that I will no longer make stupid mistakes, wrong choices, unwise decisions? Probably not, but it feels like it should! It feels fresh, like starting over, a new page to a new chapter in my book of life! Yes, there are alot of things I have trouble doing these days and I don't have the energy or stamina that I once did but I feel good!! I believe the end days are here and it's time to firmly plant both feet in the kingdom of God. Mine are planted, I relish the thought of standing boldly for my King. I have been through enough battles to know that although I don't like them I am confident in my ability to fight. I know the heart of my Father and my goal is to live for His pleasure. I wish that I could spend more time serving others, my children included. I wish I could spend more time with my grandchildren, it weighs heavy on me to be an example to them, to try to teach them the things that I seem to have failed teaching my children; things like trusting God completely, living to honor Him, living by His rules and knowing that by doing so blessings will come. I'm sure I will have the time to do these things eventually! But until then, I will celebrate my birthday with a potluck supper celebration; my girls asked me why a potluck! They had never heard of such a thing! I told them because I like potlucks, they are fun and it seemed to be an inexpensive way to throw a party. Potluck suppers are fun!! Food, conversation, watching people enjoy themselves, being with people I care about; I can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday!!!
So 50, here I come!! I'll try not to make my expectations too high, but I expect 50 to be as fabulous as 'they' say it is!!

Evidence of God's work in the life of my children

My youngest daughter and her 'mate' of five years finally tied the knot last month. It has been quite a jouney for me, wrestling with my beliefs, what the Bible teaches about co-habitation and my love for my daughter. I totally believed that God viewed the situation as sin and that it hindered her chances of being taken when Christ returned. I also believe that God could not fully bless them and move in their lives to His fullest extent while they continued to live together. I continued to pray for them both and for their children. They had no income, no transportation and no place to call their own.

I know that God would begin to provide these things once they brought themselves into allignment with what He designed a relationship to be. Sure enough, the week of the wedding my son in law found a job and a few weeks afterwards someone provided them with a vehicle! It needs some work and the job is seasonal, but God is faithful and will continue to provide for them. I still pray for them and especially for my sil that he will begin to recognize that God will take care of them, that he would begin to truly trust God's provision. Next on the list is a place they can call home. I know that God will provide exactly what they need for exactly what they can afford. He has done it for me!

My other daughter and sil had a 'misunderstanding' over some work he did for the landlord and found themselves with an eviction threat. On the deadline day exactly what they needed to cover the rent arrived in the mail!! There was even enough left over to put gas in their vehicle (they had run out of gas that morning and we put $10 in their tank)!! My daughter called me so excited, she even declared God's praise on her fb status. It is good to see God caring for my children when they are at an age that I should not have to be. I worry about them as they continue to mature and learn to make their own decisions, good and bad! My God is faithful to me as well as to my children and my children's children! He is wise and just, full of mercy and grace. AMEN

A Second Dream

This bizarre disturbing dream happened yesterday. Since I still remember it pretty vividly I will post it as well. "My entire family is somewhere I guess on vacation. There is a volcano on the edge of the city. We can see it from where we are. It begins to spit something that looks like snow into the air, next comes black something, ash or little rocks, I don't know. Everyone begins to run. A huge building next to us, it looks like the leaning tower of Pisa (sp) tumbles over and creates a tidal wave. The wave begins to push us rapidly down a river or a canal of some kind. It feels like we are in a vehicle of some kind and I'm looking out the windshield trying to avoid getting the glass broken. It is total chaos around me. Somehow I find myself standing on the side or bank of this water rushing by me. I turn around to see where I came from and I see my daughter and son in law standing in the water, they have rescued their three children. I then see three of my other grandchildren bob up in the water, they are safe. We have lost one of them, I am inconsolable, grieving hysterically it seems like for a period of time. Then we see a poster with his picture as found, he had washed up somewhere and was rescued. We are preparing to go get him when I wake up."
My husband says that he is amazed by the detail in which I dream and how much I remember. I have been asking God about this one too. I am open to any ideas.

A Dream

I have had a couple of odd dreams that stay on my mind which usually means that I need to write them down. Tonight's dream involved my church and pastor. "There was a meeting being held, an all church meeting; up on the stage are several chairs set up panel style and several area vineyard pastors (I knew none of them) including our pastor sat in them. The question posed to the congregation was in a nutshell 'why do you think the church has stopped growing? are you unhappy with your pastor's performance?' The meeting did not last long, no one had any comments. After the pastors had left, there was much murmuring and complaining. No one was willing to be honest about how they felt in front of our pastor. The pastor's wife at one point (remember this is a dream and the timeline was very disjointed) got on stage and scolded the people for not supporting and standing by the pastor; she mentioned a particular time that he had worn himself out for the church. We saw him standing on stage next to her (like a memory), he was bent completely over with his arms hanging to the floor and his head down like a rag doll. Someone mentioned it was time for him to retire, there was concern for his health. There was a suggestion to contact the area pastor privately to let him know that no one would speak out against the pastor publicly. I woke up."
Now I did eat pizza last night and I have been concerned about our church and our pastor's health, so this dream may mean nothing but that I am overly concerned about it all. Now I am pondering and asking my God is it is a warning of some sort and should I relate this dream to my pastor. Time and prayer will tell.

To whom it may concern;
I am hurt and offended by our 'conversation' last week. Your reaction was severe and out of place. I am crushed that you do not know me well enough to know that my decision was well researched and thought out. I put no one outside of family at risk and I am not responsible for other's fearful reactions brought about by the grapevine and a lack of knowledge. Those fears will be proved unfounded. I am by nature constantly putting others' welfare above my own, I thought you knew that about me. I am wrong. I believe that I am owed an apology although I do not expect to recieve one. I will continue to honor you as someone that God has annointed and will never intentionally speak negatively about you. I will not be someone who wishes to cast stones, I know my own faults too well. The experience has marred the friendship that I thought we had, although one of my faults is to see friendship in a deeper way that my friends do. I was hoping that I could put this behind me easily, but I find myself too frequently reliving the encounter in my mind and so I must put it down on 'paper' in order to set my mind free. I am hurt but I will heal and I forgive you. I remain your loyal servant.