I really don't like change. Never have. I know that it is a necessary thing, it can even be a positive thing, a rejuvenating thing, etc. but I still don't like it. It takes me a long time to adapt to it, accept it, possibly even welcome it. With that said I will report that things are a-changin!!
Months ago I felt as though God was indicating that I needed to make a job change. My job was very shall we say consuming. It began as a simple 'connection' job and grew to overwhelm me in its immensity! I was the eyes and ears of our little community, not in a spy kind of way but in a needs assessing way. I knew who was who and what was needed, I made those needs known to the ones who could meet those needs. I enjoyed my job.
Then it grew. In addition to the original aspects of my job, it now included tending to financial aspects of our community. This too I enjoyed. I like keeping order, putting ducks in a row, I was amazed to find that (even though I hated math in school) I enjoyed the orderly process of making numbers match and come out even. And so I adapted to this addition to my job description.
Then it grew. Tending to our little community began to feel very burdensome, I no longer mingled with our people because I needed to make sure all the little details were in order. I had trouble keeping up with all of the plates that I had to keep spinning. I missed being involved with our people and I felt that God wanted me to focus on a particular area, to tend to a burning desire that He had put in my heart.
And so I embraced the change that God had put on my heart and turned in my resignation.
I focused on the passion in my heart, a passion to see women connected with each other, encouraging each other, growing in their love for God, for their husbands, their children and for each other. This new endeavor is challenging, frustrating, energizing and draining. I am glad that I listened to God and followed Him into this change.
BUT.......I find that I have gone from being somebody in my community to being nobody. Everything that was part of me in the old job has been completely erased. Procedures that I put in place have been changed and that has hurt my feelings. It has made me feel as though my thoughts, my values, my opinions were not valued. It makes me feel as though I am a stranger in this community that I put so much of myself into. It is an unfriendly place now. It is cold and business-like. I don't like it.
I trust my King, He is the one who has orchestrated this change. He sees the big picture and knows how it will end. I try to keep my ears open to hear His voice and my heart soft to heed His direction. Where I am now is uncomfortable but being uncomfortable is not necessarily a bad thing. I must be content to wait and see where this change will lead.