The love of money

The Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil, I have always thought that this was not an issue in my life and yet here I am awake because my brain insists upon going over and over all the things for which I need money! I don't love money. Do I? I am the saver of the family......or am I really a hoarder? I always thought that I was wise with my money but do I hold on to it because of wisdom......or insecurity? Doesn't it reveal a lack of trust on my part? Maybe loving money doesn't mean wanting it for the sake of having it; maybe loving money means putting its importance above the importance of loving my God, my King, my Father!
My dh needed new glasses, the insurance has kicked in and so he immediately set the appointment which is covered by the insurance as well as the frames but by the time all is said and done he has two new pairs of glasses to the cost of $300! This would not be an issue if not for the fact that our vehicle has been repossessed and every cent was supposed to go towards getting it back!! This is no longer going to happen, we don't have the money! I am torn; extreme unhappiness because we are in this situation, extreme anxiety that we will lose our vehicle and extreme guilt for feeling this way when the lover God gave me needed new glasses!! AHHHHHHH!!
Then there are my children who seem to have no ability whatsoever of handling money in any sort of disciplined way!!! They have been locked out of their home with their belongings still inside because they are in the process of moving and still owe rent!! Their van won't run and yet they did not fix it when they had the chance with their tax refund because they couldn't decide whether to fix it or get another one!! And so the money was spent and here they are with a vehicle that doesn't run reliably!!!
Oh how I wish I had money!!! Do I love it? NO, I hate money, seriously hate money because of our dependence upon it! How do I put my dependence on God when our life here on earth relies so much upon the money we have? It's so easy when all is going well. It's when the sh** hits the fan that it becomes hard to trust what you don't see!
Oh God, you are my Father, my provider and all that I truly need! Help me to trust in You even when all I see are the things that I don't have. Help me to walk by faith and not by sight!! Help me to focus on the friends that You have provided who have loaned us a van while we don't have ours, those friends who give what they can in the midst of need. Holy Spirit be my Teacher and show me how to walk in blind trust of He who does not change! Teach me how to love my King above all else knowing that He will never fail me nor leave me wanting.